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[aintjustaweapon]

Lillian Aust

Clearly I ain't got time to answer today, so leave me somethin' and I'll get back to ya!

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12/25, 10:00AM, action!!

[androidheart]

[Ding-dong!! Angela is waiting for you at the door, dear sister.]

[aintjustaweapon]

[It's thirty seconds or so before Lillian answers. She'd been up, but clearly wasn't 'up', judging by the t-shirt and pajama pants and big fuzzy slippers she was wearing, or the way her hair was actually down and was more like a cape than a ponytail.]

[She leaned against the edge of the door, blinking out at her sister in surprise.]

Angela?

[And then the wind shot through the door and she immediately stepped back.]

Come in come in hurry.

[Closing the door as soon as her sister was through it. The apartment was a bit bare at the moment, with half the things in it gone, but there was a Christmas tree in the corner at least.]

[androidheart]

[Angela will place a small box under the tree, and then pace back over to hug her sister.]

It is truly wonderful to be with you again on Christmas morning, sister.

[Squeezes Lillian a bit harder, sighing against her shoulder.]

You are all the family that I have right now...

[aintjustaweapon]

[Lillian made a little 'ulp' noise when Angela hugged her because she was freezing but forced herself through it anyway considering the younger girl seemed glum.]

It's great to see you too, Angela. I was hopin' you'd come by.

[And she'd have called her eventually if she hadn't, probably.]

Can't promise a lot but hey, there's a tree. And I got ya somethin', sort of.

[androidheart]

"Sort of"? [She pulls back, now grinning, the pain of the past hidden once more behind her bright demeanor.]

What's that, Lillian? Half a present? Three quarters?

[aintjustaweapon]

[Lillian huffed.]

More like I got you something but I don't know if you'll want it?

2/3 text

[recollecters]

[A text comes to you in the late afternoon of February 3rd. The sender's name has been encrypted and errors out and there are no signs of who the message belongs to. Clicking on the profile of this Retrospec user brings up a picture of the Retrospec symbol.]

How would you like to help us help you out? Your observation period's up and I want you on this particular assignment. You'll be fine, you're probably not going to die, and we'll be able to monitor you from here. We need help. You've got the skills needed even if you don't know it yet. I know it and that's what counts.

You'll be working with a group (wish I could give you the names, still putting the lists together), but your assignment partner is Felicia Kilmassen. Should you choose to accept this assignment, you will need to meet at the edge of the woods and we'll go from there.

You'll be rewarded for your success, of course, but this is only if we have an agreement. Do we have an agreement?

[No other messages will be sent from this account at this time.]

[ooc: Hello! You've been sorted into group 3. Your event log will go up at 9pm EST along with all of the other logs. We encourage you to read the main event log as well for more information about your recruiter and this note. In the meantime, head over to this thread on the latest mod post to meet your teammates. Thank you!]

3/12 Phone call

[blondferret]

[Derek stares at the number he typed into his phone... it's ok, he can do this. Foggy gave him to pep talk... this is going to be FINE! Derek pushes the call button and puts the phone to his ear.]

Ring Ring!

[Guess what Lillian, someone's asking you out!]

[aintjustaweapon]

[She doesn't answer until the fourth ring, mostly surprised to remember her phone does things besides texts and games, and when she does answer, she clearly sounds amused.]

Derek, I know you're British so ya gotta be all old-fashioned, but who still uses their phone for phone calls?

[blondferret]

[What happened with the basic "Hello?" Dang it Lillian, you're throwing off he groove! He had practiced what he was going to say, but you didn't even say your predicted first line. How hard was it to answer the phone with a basic "Hello?" Someone help him!

Derek clears his throat.]

Well, hello to you too. Actually, many people use the phone for phone calls. It makes communication more personable. You can loose so much in a simple text really...

[Focus Derek, you have to ask her out!]

So... uh... how are you doing?

[aintjustaweapon]

Uh huh. [She still sounds so amused.] Many people, yes. Many old people. And telemarketers.

[Finally she just laughs.]

Sorry, sorry, I'm just teasin' ya. I'm pretty good. Avoidin' writin' a paper. What's up?

[blondferret]

Oh well... [and then all the mental prep in Derek's brain disappears and he's got nothing. Shit.]

Uh... um... I was thinking about you... well, I mean, not YOU but... well, yes you but more specifically when I talked to you last month that one night and how I really enjoyed it and I was hoping... well more of wondering if you enjoyed it to?

[The last part comes out a bit weak and Derek has started hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand. Good grief he could form complete sentences around her last month? What the hell Derek!]

[aintjustaweapon]

[It's about halfway through his ramble that Lillian figures out what's going on here, and it takes all of her willpower not to giggle into her phone at him. Oh this poor boy.]

[She does sound like there's laughter in her voice when she answers though.]

Yeah, sure. It was nice talkin' to ya.

[And now she was probably going to torture him by forcing him to actually say what he wanted...]

But why ya bringin' it up, hm?

3/15

[youraffection]

heeeeey
long time no chat
this is yosuke
im a friend of ur sisters? still i think
hows it going?

Re: 3/15

[aintjustaweapon]

Yosuke! Yeah I remember you.
Don't let how Angela's bein' get to you too bad.
She's just goin' through some stuff.

But I'm pretty good.
What's up?

[youraffection]

thats actually what i wanted 2 talk 2 u about
shes def been down and shes just kind of said something that makes me think it got worse
is she ok?

[aintjustaweapon]

Uh.

Well she thinks she's gonna turn into a robot.

[youraffection]

she does have robot arms rn
so i get y

[aintjustaweapon]

........
She what?

The week of 3/15ish, 2:00AM, the apartment

[androidheart]

[A series of small creaks precede the low hum of bending springs within the mattress. It sinks in a bit, the extra several pounds of her metal limbs pushing down hard. It's dark––too dark to see anything. As her body settles into the frame of the bed and the creaking and humming and bending stops. There's only the sound of her breath, trepedatious and slow as she lays in darkness for long enough to make her wonder if her eyes are open or closed. She reaches out and gently touches her sister's shoulder with a single finger or in a different situation, the barrel of a gun. Not neccesarily try to wake her, but, well, there's worse ways to wake someone up when you've literally snuck into their bed. She lays beside her in silence, next to her sister. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

It reminds her of when they were especially young. You lay along your sibling and don't second guess it. You're close to your sibling and don't second guess it. Why can't she go back to that? Why can't the one person that can help her be allowed in? There's always something. Maybe she did run away, but who's the real failure of a sister? She wants to wrap her arms around her––what's left of her. And if that didn't wake her and terrify her, it would probably just hurt her. You can't hug your sister with such dangerous arms. Instead she settles for soft syllables from the tip of her tongue.]

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

I do not know how to swim in this ocean.

[Angela moves a bit closer to her sisters, nudging her forehead against Lillian's arm.]

I am ungrateful. I am a miserable worthless weak woman.
I torture you constantly.

I am not human. I do not think that I was ever human to begin with, sister. Something has been wrong with me for a long time, and I am sorry for making you part of it.

If you didn't wake up tomorrow, I wouldn't want to wake up either. I would not deserve it.

I want to be your sister.

[She's crying. A little bit. Not quite audibly so, but the finger on her shoulder trembles slightly, under the weight of tears that seem remarkably heavy. Heavier than her arms by a mile.]

So please keep waking up, Lillian.

[aintjustaweapon]

[It was hard to say exactly when Lillian woke up. She was a heavy sleeper and not unfamiliar to having someone in bed with her, so other than a faint shift, she didn't react much at all when Angela crawled in with her.]

[Her eyes eventually opened, looking away from Angela, trying to process the things she half-heard as she woke up. Eventually one part hooks into her attention, and she shifts, rolling over slowly to face her sister.]

[She brought a hand up silently to wipe across her cheek, brushing away a few of those tears. She smiled, but it was...sad.]

You are not worthless.

[A half-whisper, but emphatic.]

[androidheart]

The way that I am now, I'm no good to anyone. I hide things from you, I'm cruel to you, to so many people that only want to help me.

I am tired of this person. I want to be me again.

[Angela moves her body a bit closer, nudging her cheek against Lillian's hand.]

I was so worried about becoming a robot, I didn't realize that I already became one.

Please forgive me for the way that I am, now.

[aintjustaweapon]

Oh like you even have to ask.

[She ran her hand along her sister's cheek and up into her hair.]

If you wanna go back to bein' who you were, then...that's what we'll do. But I know how wallowin' can feel, believe me.

[She smiled sadly.]

You're gonna have to try. Forcing yourself to be happy can be exhaustin' at first.

[androidheart]

I forced myself to be happy more than I thought, the past...for many years. Perhaps I was a seed of negativity, cocooned in a false pretense of "happiness". Now that I am...losing myself, I feel as though all that time was spent wasted. I am angry at myself. I am so angry, always. That is what is truly exhausting, Lillian.

My kindness has been swept up in the sea of despair, the dam broken. How do I repair such a thing? How do you put back what has already spilled out? I don't know, I don't know...

[aintjustaweapon]

[Lillian didn't really have an answer for all that. She remembered getting past feelings like them herself, but she'd had...different circumstances. And fewer reasons to be angry with herself.]

It's...not really about putting it back. [She finally decided.] We never run out of happiness or kindness. You just have to let yourself feel them again.