I forced myself to be happy more than I thought, the past...for many years. Perhaps I was a seed of negativity, cocooned in a false pretense of "happiness". Now that I am...losing myself, I feel as though all that time was spent wasted. I am angry at myself. I am so angry, always. That is what is truly exhausting, Lillian.
My kindness has been swept up in the sea of despair, the dam broken. How do I repair such a thing? How do you put back what has already spilled out? I don't know, I don't know...
[Lillian didn't really have an answer for all that. She remembered getting past feelings like them herself, but she'd had...different circumstances. And fewer reasons to be angry with herself.]
It's...not really about putting it back. [She finally decided.] We never run out of happiness or kindness. You just have to let yourself feel them again.
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Date: 2018-03-23 03:56 am (UTC)My kindness has been swept up in the sea of despair, the dam broken. How do I repair such a thing? How do you put back what has already spilled out? I don't know, I don't know...
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Date: 2018-03-26 11:27 pm (UTC)It's...not really about putting it back. [She finally decided.] We never run out of happiness or kindness. You just have to let yourself feel them again.