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[aintjustaweapon]

Lillian Aust

Clearly I ain't got time to answer today, so leave me somethin' and I'll get back to ya!

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[androidheart]

The way that I am now, I'm no good to anyone. I hide things from you, I'm cruel to you, to so many people that only want to help me.

I am tired of this person. I want to be me again.

[Angela moves her body a bit closer, nudging her cheek against Lillian's hand.]

I was so worried about becoming a robot, I didn't realize that I already became one.

Please forgive me for the way that I am, now.

[aintjustaweapon]

Oh like you even have to ask.

[She ran her hand along her sister's cheek and up into her hair.]

If you wanna go back to bein' who you were, then...that's what we'll do. But I know how wallowin' can feel, believe me.

[She smiled sadly.]

You're gonna have to try. Forcing yourself to be happy can be exhaustin' at first.

[androidheart]

I forced myself to be happy more than I thought, the past...for many years. Perhaps I was a seed of negativity, cocooned in a false pretense of "happiness". Now that I am...losing myself, I feel as though all that time was spent wasted. I am angry at myself. I am so angry, always. That is what is truly exhausting, Lillian.

My kindness has been swept up in the sea of despair, the dam broken. How do I repair such a thing? How do you put back what has already spilled out? I don't know, I don't know...

[aintjustaweapon]

[Lillian didn't really have an answer for all that. She remembered getting past feelings like them herself, but she'd had...different circumstances. And fewer reasons to be angry with herself.]

It's...not really about putting it back. [She finally decided.] We never run out of happiness or kindness. You just have to let yourself feel them again.