aintjustaweapon | Recollé Inbox

Recollé Inbox

Lillian Aust

Clearly I ain't got time to answer today, so leave me somethin' and I'll get back to ya!

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How does somethin' like that happen?

retrospec
kinda
they made this like
really shitty version of me show up

I forced myself to be happy more than I thought, the past...for many years. Perhaps I was a seed of negativity, cocooned in a false pretense of "happiness". Now that I am...losing myself, I feel as though all that time was spent wasted. I am angry at myself. I am so angry, always. That is what is truly exhausting, Lillian.

My kindness has been swept up in the sea of despair, the dam broken. How do I repair such a thing? How do you put back what has already spilled out? I don't know, I don't know...

A really shitty version of you.

How's that work?

its like
if the worst parts of urself became ur clone
idk how
but yeah it happened
it happened 2 the other me 2 so idk if it was bc of retrospec or bc of that

Huh.
Well at least I don't remember that happening to me...
That's somethin'.

[Lillian didn't really have an answer for all that. She remembered getting past feelings like them herself, but she'd had...different circumstances. And fewer reasons to be angry with herself.]

It's...not really about putting it back. [She finally decided.] We never run out of happiness or kindness. You just have to let yourself feel them again.