I forced myself to be happy more than I thought, the past...for many years. Perhaps I was a seed of negativity, cocooned in a false pretense of "happiness". Now that I am...losing myself, I feel as though all that time was spent wasted. I am angry at myself. I am so angry, always. That is what is truly exhausting, Lillian.

My kindness has been swept up in the sea of despair, the dam broken. How do I repair such a thing? How do you put back what has already spilled out? I don't know, I don't know...